I do not like the SAHM I am

I registered to run the Mini-marathon this year. Ever since my nephew was born with a heart-defect and needed emergency care and surgery in Our Lady’s Children’s Hospital in Crumlin four years ago my sister has run the Mini-marathon to raise funds for Crumlin. In fact, she has vowed to do this for the next twenty years – such is the debt of gratitude she feels she owes to the fantastic staff at the Hospital. My plan was to accompany her and help to contribute to her undertaking. However, as she’s run it a few times before, this year she was actually going to run it i.e. at speed, so I wasn’t exactly going to be keeping her company during the run.

I managed to get out training for it once. My sister encouraged me that I could still walk it. I was sceptical. I also had difficulties trying to get my registration letter printed. To get my race number I had to bring it to the RDS on Friday, Saturday or Sunday . However, between DD’s birthday party on Saturday (and getting ready for it all week beforehand) and my MIL’s birthday party on Sunday, getting to the RDS wasn’t possible. Again, my sister offered to get my number for me if I emailed her my letter. In the end, my heart (or my mind or my body) wasn’t in it and I opted out. My sister ran the 10k in one hour and three minutes and said finishing was a great feeling. I’m jealous of that great feeling and more than a little disappointed in myself.  

It’s not the only thing I’m disappointed in myself for. During a recent check-up with the dentist it’s evident my addiction to chocolate, which started during my last pregnancy, has taken its toll on my teeth. I’ve gone from having no fillings to six in as many years. I met my 20-weeks-pregnant-SIL on Sunday and I look more pregnant than she is. I’m also thoroughly fed-up with myself and my “relationship” with housework. I obsess about housework in the same way as many women I know obsess about calories or their weight. I seem to think about it constantly: “when am I going to do it”, “how much do I need to do”, “how little can I get away with”, “how can I avoid it by pretending I’m doing something more important”. If I spent even a fraction of the time doing it as I spend thinking about doing it there wouldn’t be any housework to obsess over. 

I’m due to go back to work on 1st August – two months time. Time is upon me to get mind and body back in shape and get some focus / toning for both. As usual I’ve got books to consult and to help collate a plan, a strategy for what I should be doing and how to get it all done.  

So, here it is – what I want to achieve:

  • Exercising my tummy muscles – I want to get back into using Jorge Cruise’s Exercise & diet Plan. It involves getting up early in the morning and exercising – not really 8 minutes, the whole thing is more like 20 but I really enjoyed it before. I also like the structure it gives to the day: I have to make sure to eat every 3 hours. Plus, I have to get to bed by 10p.m. My problem to date has been that The Earl also likes to wake up early, sometimes at five. However, I realised the other day, maybe he’d enjoy lying on the floor beside me watching my do my contortions – it’s worth a try.
  • Expressing milk – I underestimated how much the twice-daily school run would eat into my personal time. I have found it impossible to date to sit down and express milk for The Earl. Consequently, he doesn’t use bottles at all but, worse still, I haven’t been able to donate to the Human Milk Bank, as I did last time around. However, if I want to keep The Earl off formula for his first year (as I did with DD & DS) I need to build up some stock. Plus, if I want to be able to express at work I need to increase supply and get into the habit now!
  • Spending quality time with The Earl – half an hour of one-on-one attention each day, according to Dr. Sally Ward in Baby Talk. Easier said than done and my main problem is not so much finding time as getting bored long before half an hour is up. This is where the Baby Play book by Gymboree comes in. Now that the weather has made a turn for the better, I’d like to get down to the beach in the afternoons with the three of them.
  • More focused use of time in general –  I’d especially like to put housework into the background by just doing it, not thinking about it. I think if I make myself so busy and focussed in general I’ll be more inclined to just “get-on-with-it”. In part, I’m worried about when I return to work – will I have the right mental attitude to get on with the projects I’m assigned even if it’s something I’m not interested in? I need to get more disciplined with myself. The key to this, and all of the above, is my fav book “Time Management for Manic Mums”. I have to re-read it: I got stuck before on the chapter about procrastination – no kidding! And I still wonder about when I’m going to get to the next chapter about living in the present – ha ha ha!

So now I’ve made my revalation to myself and the world – I’ve written it down, tried to come out of denial. This is the first day of the rest of my life. Here goes…


2 Responses to “I do not like the SAHM I am”

  1. =Tamar Says:

    I am not a doctor or dentist or any kind of health care person.
    Nor do I know anything about you.
    Here’s are some thoughts:
    I have read that: teeth decay at least partly because of calcium loss;
    the dentist told me that the inflammation under the enamel is there first,
    then the enamel weakens or caves in.
    Calcium comes out of the jaws (and teeth?) before it comes out of other
    bones, because there has to be a certain amount of calcium in the blood.
    If you eat enough, it doesn’t come out of the bones. (Taking calcium does
    work, and it can even replenish the bone calcium if you eat enough.)
    Breast-feeding can affect calcium levels (“milk builds strong bones”).
    And the latest: colas contain phosphoric acid, which takes calcium and
    magnesium out of your bones, and they always did have the reputation of
    damaging your teeth. I have no idea whether you drink colas.

  2. undermeoxter Says:

    Thanks for your input. I’d heard about this before too so I discussed this possibility with my dentist. She didn’t give it any credence. I’m afraid, in my case, it has more to do with the fact that I’d gotten into the habit of brushing my teeth at my kids’ bedtime (trying to set a good example, huh?) and then sitting down to watch TV while grazing my way through a bag of Minstrels. She told me it was much more likely that the decay was caused by this. I don’t dring colas – they’re great for cleaning the loo though, apparantly!

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